The Poems I Could Not Share, Until Now

Leaking Poetry
11/26/13

Leaking,
leaking,
my heart was leaking,
and all my words spilled on the floor.

Breaking,
Breaking,
my heart was breaking,
and all my words did rush the door.

Winging,
Winging,
my dream went winging,
back to the place it was before.

And left me empty at the core,
with all my words spilled on the floor,
and love for you is borne no more.

Then

Healing,
Healing,
my heart is healing,
and day by day is stitched in place.

Filling,
Filling,
my heart is filling,
with every tear falls from my face.

Until

Brimming,
Brimming,
my heart is brimming,
when he I meet it starts to race.

and takes up a new frantic pace.
Who would have thought this the case?
A love for me, the gift of grace.


If I'm feeling, I'm writing, but these I couldn't share, these I kept locked away, waiting for a day that will never come. But  now it doesn't matter, so I'm opening the little box of treasures, come see the diamonds I sweated and the rubies I bled.

Soliloquy
4/18/13
(This one is actually a song, a very long song)

My friends
say that we have got to speak,
if across this we would reach,
reach and hold,
hold and love,
to love and smile.

But smile,
smile is all that I can do,
do when I am here with you,
be with you,
sing with you,
just you and I.

So if I,
If I was to speak to you,
define all my words for you,
open my mouth and just pray,
these are the words I would say:

When I say, "Hello,"
it means, "I love you."
When I say, "Goodbye,"
it means, "God bring me to you,
again,"
because my friend,
there is nothing,
no where,
no one for me,
without you.

Then I,
Then I look into your eyes,
those truest eyes of blue,
no one knows,
knows and loves,
oh loves and trusts.

But you,
You with all your reasons why,
Why we should not even try,
Try to love,
Rise above,
And try to fly.

So if I,
If I was to speak to you,
define all my words for you,
open my mouth and just pray,
these are the words I would say:

When I say, "Hello,"
it means, "I love you."
When I say, "Goodbye,"
it means, "God bring me to you,
again,"
because my friend,
there is nothing,
no where,
no one for me,
without you.

Without you, without you,

No, you,
you're kinda like a white knight,
ya always try to do right,
but it's wrong,
so wrong,
to take so long.
Babe you,
Baby you just don't see,
Caught up in soliloquy,
What this does,
Does to me,
It's killing me.

So if I,
If I was to speak to you,
define all my words for you,
open my mouth and just pray,
these are the words I would say:

When I say, "Hello,"
it means, "I love you."
When I say, "Goodbye,"
it means, "God bring me to you,
again,"
because my friend,
there is nothing,
no where,
no one for me,
without you.

Stillness
4/24/13

I find that when I am far from you
I am quiet, and still, still as can be.
As if by my very stillness
I could draw you home to me.

For pace and prowl, so far you go
the wide world you wandering walk
and never stillness do you know
or just to sit, and breath, and talk.

I'll sit and wait, wait and watch
facing east in my desperate repose,
until like the sun you shining come
and bring the warmth only my heart knows.

So wander wild, wander long
spread you sunshine near and far,
but come, my love, and break my stillness,
come and rest, my shooting star.


The Song
5/5/13

I carry a song in my heart
It plays all the time in my mind
It plays be it whole or in part
And never the end shall I find

For you sing to me all the day
and lullaby all through the night
And all of the best things you say
and all of the notes you play right

My darling I sing back to you
and hope that it plays in your heart
that somehow you see it is true
that this, my dear, is my part.



On Days that I Hate You
5/14/13

On days that I hate you
I wear my high heeled shoes,
not because you dislike them
but because I really long
to be tucked under your arm.
On days that I hate you
I flirt with handsome men,
not because I feel disloyal to you
but because I would give anything
to have you claim me.

On days that I hate you
I wear my special earrings,
Not because I seek to torture
myself with a reminder of you
but because I will always
want you to be with me.

For the days that I hate you
are the days that I love you
and hate that you keep me
away from your side.


Miracles
5/17/12

What goes into a miracle?
Of what are miracles made?
It is hope? Is it love? Dedication?
It is faith that refuses to fade?

Oh what dost thou need for a miracle?
What blood sacrifice can I give
that the impossible will be possible
and the dream will finally live?

For thou hast my heart and my time
Thou hast my strength and my might
I gave all my dreams up to follow
Just point to the foe, I will fight!

But all of this stillness and patience
That now thou seemest to ask
I just don't know if my soul
Is up to this kind of task.

Oh God I beg let me bleed,
Please, let me die, let me end,
Oh let my breath still in me,
Or come, save thou thy friend.



Worthy
8/10/13

Ask me not to answer, my love
if I think myself worthy
to hold thy strong and nimble hand
and walk along with thee
ask not if I feel, that thine equal,
such a one, I could ever be.

Ask not if I think I e-en deserve
to mouth  thy sweetest name
or more if I e'er thought
to be called the very same
nay to this and all rights
I ne'r pretended I had claim.

For I know that those women
who worthily loved thee and
proudly beside thine glory
did boldly live and stand
were so much more than I
In truth, I understand.

Nay, I swear, thought not I,
my meager self, ever to aspire,
to hold thy great heart or
kindle inside of thee love's fire
Nay, instead sought I God's help
in quenching my foolish desire.

N'er thought I this very course
would long and hard before me lay
when but to banish thoughts of thee
of my heavenly Father I did pray.
Know not I, my dearest love
what defense there is to say.

So, thou finest of all mortal men,
I beg of thee, please, to hate me,
Laugh me to scorn, chide, deride,
wrench my bleeding heart, berate me,
then perhaps this the bond of God
will somehow end, abate, for me.

Till then, my love, I weep, and yearn,
I wait. I watch. I hope. I trust. I love,
while away from thee my pleading
arms thou dost so roughly shove.
Remain I, until I am freed from thee
by word from my master up above.



He Cricket
10/7/13
Outside my window the cricket chirps,
twice per second he counts my life away,
and older I become with each chirp,
never saying what I have to say.

Then pauses he, as if to catch breath,
but know I the silence in his song,
he stops not to fill miniature lungs,
but halts only when he moves along.

And sharp the pain enters my breast,
and jealousy into my heart doth race,
for sings he all of the night long,
in search of her he does call and pace.

And sit I here, and watch, and wait,
tied secure, but seemingly free.
He searches all the night for her,
When will you ever search for me?