Pivotal

Pivotal

Alone,
but not alone,
guided by an unseen hand.
Sure only in that stable grip
as I travel far across the land.

Led
to a new place,
wear a new face,
to stop and stand and watch and wait,
as I struggle to
rely,
release,
realize.

Slower
than the dawn,
the night soon to be gone,
I search each face, I search each set
of eyes.

Thread
by thread
I cut the rope
that binds me
to all I have held so tightly,
all I have held so firmly,
letting go of all security.

Until,
at last,
I feel nothing
but the torture of this
hope.

 

(Apparently it's a good night for poetry, my bro sent me one earlier.)

A Lesson from Water

I saw a picture earlier today of a pair of adrenaline junkies paddling amidst this brown, roiling water. Naturally as the sports-un-enthusiast I am, I looked at the picture, not with eyes that envied the sportsmen, but with eyes that saw only the disposition of the water.
I thought about what it took to make "white" water, how a million disturbances under the surface caused it to twist and churn and splash about completely opposite to its usual easiest-course approach. That's why the water was so brown, it was churning up all the filth it otherwise would have flowed right over, and because of the disturbances in its course it had lost its usual ability to reflect that which was above it.
Sometimes I find that I am like that water. A few rocks in my way and I'm churning in the muck, unable to properly reflect, tossed about, and nearly out of control. Rocks are inevitable, I'm afraid, in the course of life, and we all have our own rough water times.
The beautiful thing is, the river doesn't let the rocks dam it, it doesn't let them dry it up, it just keeps on running. It keeps on running the course carved for it, until it is through the rapids and once again able to reflect and flow and nourish all around it.
If you are in the rapids, just hang on. The peaceful times will return, and soon you will look up and thank God for getting you through it. You will look up and your countenenace will refect that higher one, and you will be at peace, clean, pure, and ever moving towards your destination.

My LDS Romance Novel

Just noting for posterity and my beloved predecessors that today I finished the first draft of the book I started Thanksgiving of last year. It wasn't the fastest first draft ever, but at over 60,000 words I'm quite content with my accomplishment.

The Spotlight

It's a Hollywood cliche', the aspiring young actress dreams of life on Broadway with a thousand people watching and the spotlight shining directly on her. I have to wonder how many girls really want that spotlight, and if they think they do, how they would really feel to be in it.
I've only been in the spotlight a few times in my life, and to be honest, it's a bit frightening. It's not the light, it's the darkness, the darkness that thickens all around you when that spot is shining directly on your face. It's the things in the darkness you can't see, like the edge of the stage, the critics with their judgements, those are the things that you fear while you are blind to them.
If you look around, you can see a little, clearly for a yard or less on either side, then perhaps dimly another few feet, but that's it, that's all the space you have to move. Imagine having to dance in that little spot of light, having to trust that you haven't become disoriented and moved too close to the orchestra pit where one false step would be a crippling fall.
With time, with experience, with long practice you can get used to the spotlight. You develop a sense for how far you can go in any direction, you learn to enjoy the warmth on your face and the one on one relationship with that distant light. Indeed there can come a point where a person is completely at home in that narrow light, can perform without a fear or a flaw under its brilliant power day after week after year.
Me, I'm not there yet. I'm working on it, but sometimes I still fear those things in the dark. I can't see them, couldn't prove with my eyes if there is a single critic out there, but I still think they are there and it gives me a little case of stage fright.
I'm not giving up the light though, I'm going to focus on it. I'm going to let that light warm me until it has melted away my final fear. I'm going to walk just as far as it illuminates for me. I'm going to trust that when there are real dangers the light will reveal them to me. I'm going to sing and dance and pour out my heart and trust that somehow the light will carry what I have to offer into the hearts of those in the dark.
For I was born to be in the spotlight, and so, dear friend, were you.

The Best Boss

When I was Primary President my Stake Primary President (ie, my boss) said something that completely flummoxed me at the time. She said to do my calling in a way that trained my counselors to do my calling one day. I looked at her, then at my counselors (who had both been in that gig before) and wondered what on earth I had to teach THEM.

I probably failed them, sigh, but thank goodness God is not failing me. God is the Best Boss.

That doesn't mean He's bossy, God really isn't as bossy as people think. He has put all this effort into giving us commandments, He continuously sends messengers so that all who have the desire can hear His voice, but He isn't bossy.

To be honest, sometimes I wish he was a bit more bossy, that in this time in my life when so much hangs on my every action, when an errant toe could change so much, He would just tell me what to do. I mean, there are the commandments obviously, but those are just His way of helping me hear. The rest I have to figure out on my own, by using the resources He has given me.

I think that is what really defines a good boss, someone who is more focused on helping his or her staff to become better than on the product. The product will never be perfect until the staff is perfect, so a good Boss focuses on helping the staff grow.

As uncomfortable and inconvenient as it may be sometimes, He's helping each of us grow. I look at my trials of the last year or so and I'm starting to see how I have grown, how I have changed, how I have become a better person.

I still have a long way to go, but I think that each of us needs to somehow get to the point where we stop resenting our Boss and instead catch the company vision. There is a better way, and if we work with our Boss we can get there.

On Goodbye

"Goodbye," a word we use so often. Sometimes it is casual, sometimes it is thankful, and sometimes we wonder how on earth taking leave of someone so dear could possibly be good.

I've been saying a lot of goodbyes lately, and it has made me stop and think about what this goodbye stage of my life means. Goodbye ward, goodbye adoptive family, goodbye friends so dear, goodbye house, goodbye work, goodbye South, I leave so much with mixed emotions.

The other day I reached to comfort a child at work who was crying for her mother, and ended up battling tears myself. I'm leaving my babies, the children I have rocked, kissed better, tickled, made up stories for, and helped potty train. I'm leaving children who learned to walk before my eyes and who are now eagerly anticipating the first day of Kindergarten.

I'm leaving the people who literally held me up during the hardest days of my life. I'm leaving people who gave to me out of their poverty when my need was great. I'm leaving a community where I had a real niche, where I was needed and recognised. I'm leaving a community where me being ME was something people loved.

I go to church and wrap my arms around sister after sister, and pray they will take care of one another, for I would have happily cocooned myself in their presence the rest of my life if that had been the path God held for me.

But no, that is not my path. God has something different for me, some secret surprise that I guess at over and over, but I know that it will be better than anything I've imagined. That's the way He gives you know. Look at what he's done for me so far.

So I say "Goodbye" over and over, fully meaning each time the ancient meaning behind the modern phrase, "God be with you."

Yes, God be with you my friends, sisters, brothers, Southern ladies and gentlemen. God be with you best YMCA in the world. God be with you little ward. God be with you little ones who have grown so fast. God be with you my Asian family who has taught me so much.

God be with you all my dear ones, and may we meet once again in His presence our association to renew, for our love has always remained in spite of the miles and years.

On Ups and Downs

I was running with my dogs this morning (thanks be to the dear friend who taught me that expensive running shoes are bad for feet like mine, whodathunk?!) and came upon the section of my neighborhood that is often referred to as roller-coaster-road. Now roller-coaster road has always daunted me in the past. It's only about a third of a mile long, but getting up those two steep hills is MURDER on an out of shape body like mine. I tried something new today though. Instead of walking down the hill and then huffing and puffing my way up the other side I put power in my step and RAN down the hill and then RAN up the other side.
It was so much easier than walking it!
I realised as I crested the second rise that this may very well be the answer to how it is I've gotten through all of this lately. You see my previous trials in life I approached with a lot of trepidation. This one I approached with a lot of prayer. I saw it coming and put the power of the spirit in my step, and look at me, at the top of the rise and still going.
Now, I'm not bragging, and I know I'm not done yet. I know I've got lots of dips, hills, and curves in my future. I'm not even done with this section of my road yet and who knows what kinds of curves my road will take.
The point is, I'm not scared, and I know I can do it, because I have this power behind my step that will take me further than I ever thought I'd be able to go.
God and me, we make a pretty good team.
So, my dear friend, next time you see your life taking a steep downhill slide and you are dreading the climb back to your previously enjoyed elevation, just think about roller-coaster-road and put a little power in your step. I think you'll like how it feels on the other side.

Expedient, Faith, Power

Hello my lovelies.
I gave a talk this Sunday. I can’t copy and paste the text because I have been trying to be more like a High Councilman and come prepared, but let the spirit talk through me instead of reading all the clever little things I had written down. So I went in there with just a few notes, scriptures, and a lot of prayer. I wanted to share some of it with you though, because this talk… I feel like it encapsulates this pivotal moment in my Eternal Progression.
The verse that the Bishop assigned me was Moroni 7:33, which reads:
And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.
Now, go back and read it again. Done? Okay.
This verse has three key words that I will touch on today. The first is Expedient, the second is Faith, and the third is Power.
Expedient is used several times in the scriptures. Now, I need you to open up another window and read the following verses on LDS.org or get out your scriptures and do it old school, D&C 88:63-65, D&C 18:18, and D&C 122: 6-9. Go ahead, I’ll wait, and you may want to mark them.
Yes, I know the word expedient wasn’t in that last one, but the definition was, in a way. You see something that is expedient, as defined in the dictionary, is something that is useful in bringing about a desired result.
Now, what is God’s desired result for us? My 9 year old knew that right away, go read Moses 1:39. The entire purpose of God’s existence is his children, to bring about our immortality, but more importantly, most importantly, our Eternal Life.
God’s purpose is not to see us all live in mansions, it is not to make sure that we never go hungry, it is not to protect us from hardship or sorrow. He sees that our trials are EXPEDIENT.
I want you to do something for me (I made the congregation close their eyes, but obviously in print you can’t do that). I want you to picture the thing in life you fear the most, be it death, or deprivation, be it losing your kids, or living in the streets, whatever your personal hell-on-earth is, you picture that.
Now, the worst has happened. Is God still with you? Does God still love you? Is his hand still outstretched for you?
Yes.
Then what are you afraid of?
Let’s talk about Faith. We all know that miracles are brought about by faith. Right? Christianity 101 there, faith precedes the miracle; Christ didn’t do miracles that he didn’t connect with the faith of the recipients. This leads us to ask ourselves, “What miracles am I denying myself by my lack of faith? If I had more faith, if I was better at having faith, would I have more miracles?”
And that is where we go wrong.
You see Christ does not expect our faith to be perfect. He expects us to grow our faith, constantly improve it, but he knows it is a process (if you have any questions about how this process works, go read Alma 32.) The thing is though, he is so anxious to bless us, he loves us so much, he will do as much as he can to meet us, to “reach our reaching.” In Mark 9 there was that boy who was taken by an unclean spirit, and his father asked Jesus to heal him. Jesus asked about the father’s faith and he said, “Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.”
Help thou my unbelief, I cannot tell you how many times I have said the same words in the last few months. I can tell you that as much faith as you have, if you will extend it, and sometimes you have to extend ALL of it, but if you will extend it, it will be enough, he will make up the difference.
Now let’s look at 1 Peter 1:7, done reading? Good. So here our faith is likened to gold and he spells out that it has to be refined. Refining gold is an incredibly harsh process. Google it, you’ll see, repetitive heat, acid washes, beatings. Well, that’s what your faith has to go through, because it is expedient.
I know, it sounds scary, but that leads us to my favorite part.
If we have faith we will have the Power to do whatsoever is expedient.
Knowing what is expedient in your life is hard. I mean, is this a trial we can dance around, avoid? Or does God need us to go through it? It’s a highly individual, personal question every time, and it always has been.
When Jacob faced Esau, after all those years, it was personal, and Jacob’s prayer for help was answered in the most powerful, personal way. When Moses faced Pharaoh, it was personal, he had personally rejected this man whom he had grown up with. When David faced Goliath, it was personal, it was individual, but he had the power of God’s promises and commandments and his faith in the expediency of his actions.
That power through faith was with Daniel in the lion’s den. It was with Micah, Jeremiah, and Lehi as they cried repentance. Things didn’t go all skipping through daisies for them either, but that’s okay, because it was expedient for them.
The apostles found it was expedient to cast out devils and heal people, and through the proper application of faith they had the power. Stephen was transfigured and stood with great power before the Sanhedrin. Nephi faced Laban, but more difficult and more personal, he faced Laman and Lemuel again and again with faith and power, and through that he accomplished the expedient, he crossed an ocean, he lead his people in righteousness.
By that power of faith Ammon preached to Lamoni, who had a nasty habit of killing people. And Alma, oh beloved Alma, Alma the Elder, who cried to the Lord over his wayward son, he had such faith too. When his son was carried into him, when his son laid in basically a coma for three days, he rejoiced inside, because he could see, where most of us would not, that this was expedient. His faith gave him power and peace to get through that.
Now, I want you to read 2 Timothy 1:7.
This verse means so much to me, because a dear friend quoted it to me at a moment when I needed it so very, very much. I wrote it on my hand, in permanent ink, and I kept refreshing it until it had sunk into my soul. Power, love, a sound mind, those are the gifts of the spirit that are available to us through our faith during times of trial. Those are the things we have access to if we refuse to allow Satan to cloud our minds with fear. Those are the things that are just a moment away.
Reach for them. Extend your hand into the darkness and I promise you that God’s hand is right there ready to grasp yours, because he has been reaching for you the whole time. I know he is, because he loves you like he loves me, and he has reached my reaching and performed a million miracles for me. For this I will be eternally thankful and love him all the more every day.
In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

This Strange New World

I'm sitting here in my little nook at the library, listening to Scott McLean crooning "Time" in one ear while the cars on main street play a different kind of melody in the other ear.
I would be writing, I'm nine thousand words into the book I started on November 27th, (code named mmmm) but the errands between shifts took too long today, so here I sit, piddling on the Internet because there isn't enough time to really write.
It's a strange sort of existence I live these days. I get the kids on the bus early, really early, then tidy up the house, maybe throw the ball for the dog. I head in to work, run errands, work some more, get the kids, feed them, and fall into bed earlier than any grown woman likes to admit. I come to the library every chance I get, check the emails and networking sites, miss friends I never get to chat with anymore.
The librarians are getting to know the kids quite well. There is an ever growing tower of books and DVDs on the counter at home of things we need to return. Tali is reading two at once I think, either that or she has given up on one and I need to find it. James goes through them like water. He waited over a week for the latest "Wimpy Kid" and had it done in a day. He must be related to me or something. Jordan is less happy with the library, but she is just getting her reading fluency up, someday, someday.
I'm still waiting for one of them to fall in love with Potter.
Every few days something happens to churn up the waters again, and I deal with it, or just let God handle it if I can't do much about it.
It's hard, but it isn't, and I haven't really thought about it enough to put it eloquently I'm afraid. It's like I'm one step away from survival mode at all times, and yet have been blessed with an extraordinary amount of peace and other forms of God-sent aid.
The generosity has been staggering, but it isn't the generosity or the deprivation that has forced me to learn about humility. No, what I am learning from is the walking in the dark.
I don't know my next step, and it is terrifying not to have at least that much pinned down or plotted out. I do know one thing though, there is this little pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel, and God would not shine that light at me if I wasn't supposed to go towards it. So I'm not going to worry about what dangers lay at each side. I'm just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust. Every time my foot lands on solid ground I am thankful, and often a little surprised. This is the scariest thing I've ever done, but I trust the one who laid my path, so I'm going to keep walking it.
My love to you all. I am so sorry that I am not there for my internet friends like I used to be. I miss listening, I miss helping from afar.
Hugs,
Thora

Nothing to say

I'm sitting here at the library. The kids are lost in the children's section. I may have to send a search party soon. I have Internet, I have my laptop, and I have nothing to say.
Well... nothing positive anyway, nothing worthy of saying. I could say a lot of things about a certain someone who takes delight in hurting me and, even worse, hurting the kids. I won't say them though because there is no point in putting more darkness out in the world... and besides he is having me blog stalked. (Ludicrous I know! Oh the things he can talk people into, lol.)
So I sit here biting my tongue, wishing I had something of value to contribute to the world, wishing... wishing oh so many many things... but I suppose I shall be content that right now, this one small instant, my children are not fighting each other, they are not fighting me, and that the house at home is reasonably clean so I can just spend time with the kids today.
They really are my favorite people in the whole wide world.

My Theory on Dinosaurs

The other night the kids at work were all about dinosaurs… well really all about debating if a T-rex and a komodo dragon of the same size got into it which would win… but I digress. I got out the big book on dinosaurs and we spent some time going through the pages looking at different dinosaurs. Feathered and scaled, plated and spiked, long long claws that weren’t at all sharp, the book kept relaying that “scientists think” that this was how such and such dinosaur used its various body parts, though they can’t be sure.
I was thinking about that afterward and had to wonder… were dinosaurs like spirit pre-school for us? Maybe that’s why dinosaurs are such a fascinating thing for little ones… because they remember them from before.
I have this picture in my mind of sitting down with Heavenly Father one afternoon and making a dinosaur together.
“Okay, Thora, what kind of dinosaur do you want to make today?” He asks as he pulls me up on His knee.
“A big one!” I say.
“A big one, as big as your brother’s T-Rex?” He asks with a grin.
“No, much, much bigger!” I tell Him.
“Oh double-much bigger, like this?” He asks.
“Yeah!”
“Okay, now what should your dinosaur look like?”
“Umm… a long long tail and a long long neck,” I say in that cute little girl voice of mine.
“Long tail, long neck, anything else?” He asks forming my dinosaur before my eyes.
“Put the nose on top of the head!”
“On top of the head? But why?” He asks with a laugh.
“So when it goes swimming it can always breathe,” I say matter of factly.
He twists His mouth to the side and looks at the dinosaur we have formed, “Well we have a problem there, Thora. If we make it as big as this, for it to go under water it would go very deep, and the water pressure would make it impossible for it to breath, even with the nose up on top.”
“Oh,” I say disappointedly.
“So do you want the size, or the nose on top?” He asks after I have had a moment to consider.
“Just tell it not to go swimming,” I decide.
“Okay, are we leaving the nose on top then?” He asks me.
“Yeah, it looks cute like that,” I say, and of course, because I designed it and we made it together, my loving Heavenly Father leaves my dinosaur that way and thinks it looks cute too.
Of course I know this is insane speculation and merely a flight of fancy, but still… something in this rings true, if only the fact that Heavenly Father once, or a million times, took time for just Him and me, because He loves me, and He’s a good Dad like that. And really, what else matters?

The Mountain

This will be a little hard to enter from my phone... but what better thing is there to do when you are sick at home on The Sabbath?

THE MOUNTAIN

I came unto a mountain on the straight and narrow way
And thought the Lord would move it, for it did block my way.
I raised my voice on high and when my prayer was through,
Beheld the mountain with a sigh, and knew not what to do.

Perhaps if not to remove it, He wanted me to find,
A way around this mountain, a shortcut to behind.
Up to the foot I walked and looked far left and right,
But found the paths fraught with perils that by now I knew at sight.

There was no going around it, and no whisking it away,
So I started to climb that mountain a little bit each day.
At first I slipped with every step for the path was buried in sand,
But when I sunk my feet down to the bedrock I was sure enough to stand.

Once upon the slopes I could no longer judge or see
How much further up the mountain that was taxing all of me.
Still I knew from trials past, that all trials have an end,
And every trial brings me closer to the Friend at journey's end.

I came unto a place where the path was all hemmed in
By rugged walls unrelenting, a strait way very thin.
I grumbled all the way through it, how narrow was the way,
How a person needed more elbow room, or at least a little say!

Then I looked back and learned, to my gratitude and shame,
While I bemoaned the boundaries, they protected me all the same.
For steeps and slides and dangers did lie on every side,
And the horrors of those dangers those sturdy walls did hide.

So now I trust this path, and up this mountain climb.
I begrudge it not the steepness or the lengthiness of time.
I just climb each day, placing foot, over foot, over hand,
And I've begun to wonder what happens when at the peak I stand.

Do I find a great plateau, or perhaps a downward slide?
Will I find another mountain, to test her already tried?
Do I slide freely down the other side, a brief thrill after my long try,
Or feet planted on the pinnacle, will I mount up and fly?

On Loving Yourself

This is more a vent than anything because today I decided why the standard, much passed about affirmations irritate me so much.

It isn't about loving yourself. It's not. True self worth is about getting a single glimpse of how and why God loves you. If you can even begin to understand that... if you can grasp just the tiniest particle of that knowledge then you will never need affirmations. You will have self esteem because you will feel your worth. You will have strength in ways you cannot imagine. You will love others with a depth you cannot describe and never would have thought possible.

Stop thinking you can do things to change the way God loves you. Start seeing that your choices can hurt him and prevent him from being able to bless you but they will never make him stop loving you. You are his child. He is a perfect parent and will love you infinitely deeply no matter where your choices take you or how far you push yourself away from Him. He will always ache to hold you, to comfort you, to save you, BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS!

I wish more people understood that. I wish more people got how little it matters what you look like or have accomplished or how many talents you think you have.

If you take a thousand dollars worth of gold and wrap it in burlap, is it worth less? NO! If you bury it is it worth less? NO! If you take it and shape it and make it pleasing to the eye or useful then, yes, it is prettier or more useful and brings pleasure to the owner... but the core value does not change. It is still a thousand dollars in gold.

You are so much more valuable than gold. You have immense value in just existing. Every good work pleases God and you are of such good use to him every day... but it doesn't change your worth. He would still move the world to save you. He loves you that much.

Stop doubting Him. Stop trying to make excuses for why you have less value and let the Master Craftsman, who knows your value and potential, make something of you.

My Patronus

You know, sometimes I think I know everything about Harry Potter, and then other times life sets me straight and I realize I have only scratched the surface.

Take the Patronus, for instance. Everyone knows that a Patronus is a being of light, created by a spell (Expecto Patronum!) and fuel by holding onto a happy thought.

Many people, fans like me, also know that this spell is close to Rowling's heart, as she herself has death with depression in the past.

Earlier today it kind of just popped into my head. Still only half thinking about it I thought, "Hmm so a Patronus for Harry is like Jesus is for me."

Only then did the layers of the Patronus become apparent to me, and I've been walking around thinking, "Duh, Thora," ever since.

The root of Patronus is PATRON as in Patron Saint, as in something we believe in and would EXPECT (expecto) to come to our aid when we are faced with our greatest fears, with depression, with darkness over which we have no control.

Then I realized that Harry's Patronus is his father.

Wow. The parallels, the subtle references to Christ, just wow!

Once again, I tip my hat to J. K. Rowling, the master plot weaver.

So, author worship aside, from now on, if someone asks me what my Patronus would be, I'll have to answer, Jesus Christ.

When darkness and depression was overpowering me, sucking the soul out of me, I reached for my Savior, and he saved me.

He is my light.
He is my happy thought.
He is the one that I trust to be there for me in my toughest moments, because he always has been.

Expecto Patronum

Dear Mr. President

A few months ago I clicked on a link that took me to this article. I'm not very politically inclined, but I read it anyway, out of curiosity. As an LDS I like to know what people are thinking and saying about us... to an extent.

To sum it up, the author is LDS and was invited to The White House along with a bunch of other LDS people for a round table discussion. The White House wanted to know "in what ways do Mormonism and this administration share the same goals and how can The White House better communicate these overlaps with the Mormon demographic?"

The article ended up concluding that the President should recognize the positive contributions that LDS people make, and if we know about any, we should pass the word along.

Since reading this article I have thought about it on occasion, and this morning, while putting on my mascara before church, I finally decided what it was that bothered me about the whole thing.

LDS people believe in doing good. We more than believe, we do it, we live our lives trying to make a positive impact. We love this about ourselves.

Here's the glitch though. We believe that good works should be done in secret (see Matthew 6:3-4) (and yes the Matthew in the bible, there is no Matthew in the Book of Mormon.)

This belief doesn't just cover charitable contributions. It's about making sure that we are doing good for the sake of good and not to be seen doing good.

When I think of something nice to do for someone, I do it. I don't want to be thanked, most of the time I go to a lot of effort to not be seen. I want the glory to go to God for the good I do because, let's face it, if I'm a good person it is all God's fault.

Just having the opportunity to give is reward enough. Knowing I helped someone is enough. I know people want to return thanks, and that's a good thing, but I would really rather not be thanked, it's embarrassing.

So... well meaning as the conclusion of your round table discussion was, it kind of missed the point. LDS people don't want recognition for doing good, we just want it to be generally recognized that we are good.

We don't want to be pointed out in speeches, we don't want awards or certificates.

What we do want is very simple, to not be mocked or vilified.

To tell you the truth, I don't think there's much you can do about that, not even you President Obama.

Thanks for trying to understand though, I appreciate the gesture.

Sincerely,

Thora

Independence Day Haiku

Fireworks popping
Echoing in the dark night,
Blood soaked field

The Hogwarts houses

I can't believe a HP thread on Babycenter got to the fifth page before I saw it...

Someone asked why Hogwarts kept the Slytherin house around, and though a lot of what I would have said had already been said, (aside from a joke that goes something like "Where would our democracy be with out all the politicians?" ) I still managed to babble on for 700 words or so, and I might as well save the thoughts here, as they get spiritual at the end.

Ehem

When one looks at the basic drives behind each of the houses, one sees that while some may think the other unfavorable, they are all worthy endeavors.

One must also consider that each person is in a house either through choice or because they mostly identify with one ideal or another. No one is all Gryffindor. Nevil Longbottom would have been an excellent Hufflepuff. Hermione obviously would have done well in Ravenclaw. Harry's drive to succeed would have lead him far in Slytherin. Ron is probably the only one I think is roundly Gryffindor, and look how many character flaws that beloved Ginger has.

For the text of the sorting hat songs, see here.

You also have to consider that the sorting hat is biased. Not only in the fact that was plucked from Gryffindor's head and had loyalty, in the fact that JKR herself identifies with Gryffindor.
Gryffindors are described using: brave, daring, nerve, chivalry. They also tend to rush in with out thinking, which makes the rest of us wonder about their sense, as much as we love them.
Ravenclaws are described using: sharp mind, of wit and learning, ready mind. It is demonstrated again and again that Ravenclaws are more interested in ideas and learning than much else. They are also rumored to all be beautiful... However, when one has one's head in the abstract and ethereal, well let's just say it's easy to lose touch with the things that matter. Because of my thirst for knowledge I would fit well in this house, but as it isn't my first priority, I'm sorted in to Hufflepuff.
Hufflepuffs are described using: just, loyal, patient, hard working, and equal opportunity educators. I can't say enough for my house, I think we are the best kind of people, but I also, as a Hufflepuff, see huge amounts of value in the traits of the other houses. The drawback to being a (most excellent) Hufflepuff? We worry about others so much and try so hard to be fair that we seem wishy-washy and hardly ever strike when the iron is hot... or at all. We make the world go round, but you won't often find us out saving the world, unless you count service projects, then we are sooooo there.
Slytherins are described as: cunning and ambitious. Slytherins network like none other. They see ways of getting things done that would simply never occur to anyone else. They see the layers of relationships. They spend a lot of time thinking like a chess champion, how one move affects all else. Now, this often makes us think of secret combinations, but just because something isn't out in the open, doesn't mean it is wrong. Just because someone wants to make a difference, doesn't mean they are evil. In fact, I really think that Slytherins should be in charge of international relations, because they can think like that and it just boggles my Hufflepuff with Ravenclaw leanings mind.
Now one other thing you should note is that Gryffindor and Slytherin started out as friends, and that it was the years and years of competition between the houses that caused the rift.
Which just goes to show you once again that peacemaking cough cough Hufflepuff cough cough ways are best. If division had not been allowed to creep in, no one would ever have put a Basilisk in the basement.
On a completely different note, and I hope this doesn't sound sacrilegious, because I don't mean it that way, I see in Jesus Christ the embodiment of all of these virtues and none of the side effects. He was brave without blundering, intelligent without being disconnected, fair without being ineffective, and perceptive and able to see the layers in a situation without using it for his own glory.
So if you don't like Slytherins, it's just because you don't understand them, and may need to be a bit more like them.

Another First Draft Done

I started the Sequel to my Dragon book on Oct 14th, 2010 and completed it tonight. I'm just documenting this for later.

Now to do some fixes in the first, get it submitted, and then decide what I'm working on next. Naturally I could just write another Dragon book, but the Moon has been calling to me, plus I'm out of marshmallows to roast.

Decisions, decisions.

My Son

My Son
I tried to write a poem,
to describe what I see in you,
by my time was out of line,
and my rhyming book fell through.

I tried to sing a song,
about the glory that I see,
but my voice is cracked and broken,
and my fingering paltry.

I tried to find a flavor,
to match the gusto within you,
but I spilled the spice, once or thrice,
and the sauce was thick as glue.

I tried to paint a picture,
as brilliant as your eyes,
but the paint just wasn’t patient,
and the brush saw through my guise.

So I sit here at my keyboard,
staring at the screen,
knowing that the pixels,
will never capture what I mean.

Now, I’ve struggled with the words,
and I think I’ve thought of what to say,
You see my son, I love you,
today and every day.

Thora
3/14/2011

(He's doing a unit on poetry at school.)

I Don't Do Cute

Jordan stuck a flower hairpin in my hair on the way out of church. I just pulled it out and it made me remember a conversation I had with my co-worker the other day. We were talking about some hair clips she is having made by a mutual friend and she said I would look so cute in them.

I, being me, was not taken by the idea in the least. I don't do cute. I really don't do floral either.
I didn't know how to explain it to her at the time, and the needs of the kids didn't leave us time to get into it, but it just occurred to me why I don't do cute.

I see beauty differently because I attribute to it to one or the other of two desires; to be liked, or to be respected.

Cute things want to be liked. Flowers, most hair clips, bows, doo-dads and what-nots all want to be liked.

Cute things are not taken seriously. Cute things have little substance. Cute things denote energy, but not power. Cute things are coddled, adored, taken care of.

I am not cute. I am beautiful in many ways, but I am not cute.

It's like the difference between a bunny and a tiger. A bunny is cute, a tiger is beautiful. I am not a bunny.
Pink! Pink is a cute color. I hate pink. Pink is washed out red, pink is fragile, it lacks substance. I am not pink.

I wonder if it's because I was raised in the desert. (It took me years to get to the point where the forest didn't feel claustrophobic to me.) I'm used to a different kind of beauty. I find true beauty in rocky crags, in the snow on a distant peak, on a little plant struggling up from a crack in the rock. I love the spines on cacti and the horns on lizards. I love the way the sky goes on forever in the desert, I love the way the mountains lay against it like someone chiseled away at the blue. I love reaching my arms out and touching nothing but air and sunshine.
I AM the desert. I am chiseled lines and orange and blue. I am built to survive the heat, the deprivation, and the predators. I don't take existing for granted. I don't climb all over other things in order to grow. I would much rather stand alone, stark against the sky, buffeted by the storm than to be crowded into a forest.

Don't make me compete with others, let me do and be my best and then respect me for it.

I think I finally understand why I can't stand the thought of scrap booking.